Tag: #grief

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anxiety mental health awareness Therapy works Uncategorized

PTSD Warrior

Jan 26, 2020

By Shannon Jackson

About three years ago, I experienced the tragic and sudden loss of my brother, to suicide. As a result, I suffered from complicated grief and developed ptsd. My symptoms included, extreme and persistent panic attacks, and the inability to accept his death and move past the loss. Thankfully, I discovered talk therapy through the counseling services provided by the state university I was attending. Eventually, I processed that horrific nightmare. As I began to heal, the ptsd symptoms began to fade. I could finally breathe again.

This week, I had a miscarriage. The loss of my unborn baby can never compare to what I experienced, after losing my brother. However, the grief and sudden loss did bring my anxiety, and ptsd symptoms back to the surface. After two days, I forced myself to push through and returned to work. I held it together pretty well all day, despite the overwhelming  negative thoughts, such as, “I am a failure. My eggs are old”, or “Nobody cares about me”. But when I got into my car to go home, I lost it and drove straight to a nearby Mexican food restaurant, for a margarita, instead of home. I told myself just one, but ended up having two. I was trying desperately to numb my emotions and avoid the eventual breakdown, as long as possible.I managed to hold back the floodgates, long enough to cook dinner and finish my responsibilities, of the day, before crashing on the couch. Sleeping is another common avoidance tactic. 

The following morning…

The next morning was a Friday thank goodness. I woke up and already felt irritable, trying to pick out something to wear. Feeling easily irritated and angry, in unexpected situations, are both common ptsd symptoms. Past experiences reminded me that the grief I have been trying to push down was getting ready to blow. Sure enough, I had a panic attack when my key got stuck in the door, while locking it. For me, it looked like an angry childish outburst. I yelled at the doorknob, until it released my key. I had to go through the back door to my car and was crying by the time, I got in. I turned on KSBJ Christian  radio and sang as I cried. I asked God to please take my anger and help me to get it together before I got to work. 

I stayed busy all day and managed to survive. However, the moment I got in my car, I began to cry and drove back to the Mexican food restaurant, for another round of margaritas. I knew the margaritas were dangerously close to becoming a bad pattern of behavior I had to break once before. I could feel myself spiraling. When I got home, I had my second panic attack of the day and could not breathe. I knew I had to face the grief head on and process it, before I fell into a hole of despair. I did not have the energy to pull myself out. So, I fed my family, and left to hang out with a friend, who I could talk to about my feelings. I cried all the way there. Later on, I wrote about it all, in my journal. By morning, I had a different mindset and was able to let go of the sadness and accept the miscarriage happened. 

I am grateful for the two years of therapy I had that taught me how to recognize my ptsd symptoms and what healthy coping mechanisms worked for me. I am proud of myself for making time to process my grief , in a timely manner. Prolonging the process, by avoiding your feelings, only makes it worse. It took me 18 months of intentional healing to finally quit having regular panic attacks and ptsd symptoms, after my brother died. Although, I was only 4 weeks pregnant, it was still difficult to lose my baby. I already had love for this baby and a piece of me literally died, during the miscarriage.  It is nothing compared to what I have already experienced losing my beautiful baby brother. Everything else pales in comparison. I take comfort knowing my baby is in Heaven, with Uncle Drew. 






Facts about PTSD





  • PTSD is defined by the Mayo Clinic as a mental health condition that is triggered by a terrifying event.
  • It can be debilitating and often requires at least 6-12 weeks of talk therapy. Anti-depressants are given to treat symptoms in some cases.
  • A ptsd diagnosis includes a re-experiencing symptom, an avoidance symptom, reactivity symptom, and mood symptom.
  • Examples of re-experiencing symptoms are flashbacks, bad dreams, or  frightening thoughts and fear based reactions. I remember feeling so scared that I could not even leave my couch, mush less my house. Every time my mom calls I am terrified that something bad happened.
  • Examples of avoidance symptoms include:avoiding your feelings or thoughts and staying away from the place your trauma took place or places that remind you of the trauma. For me this included avoiding all the music that reminded me of my brother. 
  • Examples of reactivity symptoms are angry outbursts, being startled easily, feeling on edge, and difficulty sleeping. I personally experience all of these plus an extra sensitivity to noise and clutter. I often feel fragile and weepy on days I am having these symptoms. 





PTSD is usually accompanied with depression and anxiety.If your symptoms last longer than a month, you should seek help from a mental health professional. Symptoms will only grow worse, without treatment. Talk therapy absolutely works!





https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml is a great source of information and where I found facts about ptsd.







		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	






	



	


		
			

				
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If I only knew then, what I know now…

		


			

		


		
	





	


		


			



I do it for Drew because mental health matters





This blog was created to honor the memory of my beautiful baby brother Drew. It’s dedicated to spreading suicide awareness , mental health support, hope and healing. I strongly believe mental health education can save lives.





” Having a mental disorder isn’t easy, and it’s even harder when people assume you can just get over it”.





It is impossible to just get over your mental disorder or to think that it will just eventually go away. IT CAN GET BETTER but WONT magically on its on. SEEK HELP! THERAPY WORKS. Medication is an option. Please don’t suffer in silence. Help is available. YOUR MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS!!!!! 







    

Mental health is just as important as physical health.   People go see their doctors all the time for physical health concerns yet  allow their Mental Health to continue to go untreated. Often, people struggle unnecessarily with mental health conditions that are easily treatable. The stigma against Mental Health absolutely prevents  many people struggling today from seeking treatment. Seeing a therapist should be just as acceptable as seeing your primary care physician.  In order to treat an illness, you must first Diagnose the problem. Self awareness is crucial to healing and treating mental health effectively. Talk therapy helped me become self aware and changed my life. After I lost my brother, I developed extreme PTSD . My normal anxiety reached new levels. The heaviness of grief and panic attacks was suffocating. I struggled to function in my daily life. The weight on my chest began to ease with each session. I learned to recognize my symptoms, what caused them and healthy coping skills to prevent the symptoms that once plagued my soul. Through talk therapy, I was able to change my previous self destructive thought patterns caused by my anxiety. Before therapy,  I had no clue anxiety caused negative thoughts. Knowledge truly is power and learning self awareness finally set me free. Going to therapy was the greatest decision of my life. Initially, I began therapy because of my overwhelming grief. But, I ended up fixing all kinds of things I have struggled with for years. That is definitely a good thing, that came from  my brother’s death. Through my ptsd, I realized my brother suffered from it too. He experienced a lot of trauma in life that he never processed. PTSD and anxiety symptoms will never go away until the trauma is processed and will increase over time. I wish I had known this before! I wish my brother could have processed his trauma. Therapy absolutely  could have saved my brother’s life. It’s ironic that his death and my ptsd is what lead to understanding his struggles and finally answers after all these years. It breaks my heart that it’s too late. If I had only known before how to help him…. 
I wish someone would have told me all of this! I can’t go back in time, and save my brother. However, I can share his story and all of the information I have learned about mental health, since his death. It just might save a life!  

Mental health absolutely matters! A person’s mental health affects everything from their relationships to their job performance, school success ,self-esteem, motivation, physical activity, social life, and productivity. Mental Health can even affect the simplest things such as daily chores to the bigger stuff like life goals and thought process. The list of things related to your mental health is endless. Having good mental health is the foundation to living a happy and healthy life. Yet, so many people neglect their mental health .According to the National Alliance of mental illness 1 and 5 American adults have a mental health issue and 20% of Youth between the ages of 13 to 18 live with a mental health condition .Unfortunately, 60% of all adults living with a mental health issue did not receive any kind of treatment the previous year and almost 50% of the youth between the ages  8 to 15 with a mental health disorder did not receive treatment either. These are only the documented cases in America.  No doubt these numbers are  actually substantially higher ,since many cases are never reported. Sadly, cases that go unreported include all the people living life unaware of their own mental health truths, those who are in denial, and everyone else that are too ashamed to admit they’re struggling with their mental health and refuse to seek help. Too many people are not living life to its fullest potential because their untreated mental health disorders  hold them back.    BREAK THE STIGMA. SEEK HELP. THERAPY WORKS. 

— Oscar Wilde.















This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.



		
	

		


	


	

		
		


			

		


		
	


	



	




	


		


			
			
				

			
		


	


	
			

		





	

		

	

		
		

		
		



		
	


			
		
		
	




 


		 	
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