Mental Health Care has come a long way just in my lifetime. Information available now was not prevalent 16 years ago when my brother first began to struggle with his mental health.
I wish we knew then, all the things we know now. It would have absolutely changed things and may have saved my brother’s life. My brother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and explosive personality disorder when he was 18 years old.
Research on the causes of bipolar disorder was more limited then. My brother’s doctor thought it was hereditary and caused by a chemical imbalance. Anti-psychotic medication was the only treatment offered. He was prescribed Zyprexa and Lithium.
According to Web MD, Zyprexa is an” Olanzapine used to treat certain mental/mood conditions (such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder). It may also be used in combination with other medication to treat depression. … Olanzapine belongs to a class of drugs called atypical anti-psychotics.” Web MD describes Lithium as an element , likely effective for bipolar disorder , usually used in combination with anti-psychotic drugs ,
Back then we did not have access to the internet and you could not simply Google things. I remember going to the library to research these disorders and why people got them. All I could find was a generalized definition. I found no causes other than hereditary and no symptoms or treatment, except for medication. I was heartbroken to find there was no cure.
My brother took his meds like he was suppose to.They were harsh and he did not react well to them. A few months later, his pregnant girlfriend called me and said ,”Something is wrong with your brother. He is out of it. His body is twitching and he is foaming at the mouth”. I knew he had began to dabble with drugs by then and assumed he was overdosing. I told her to call 911 and I was on my way. I got there before the ambulance did and was devastated to find his entire body convulsing and him moaning a horrendous wounded animal sound. The ambulance arrived moments later. It took them over 20 minutes to stabilize him enough to transport to the hospital. His girlfriend and I followed them to the hospital. Turns out he was having seizures and he remained in a coma for five days. He woke up pissed off and that’s when we learned he took his entire bottle of Zyprexa wanting to kill himself. Still no therapy was offered or any other solutions except to change his medication.
This time he was prescribed Seroquel, another anti-psychotic medication. My brother once told me how numb they made him feel and how he no longer could enjoy things and never felt like laughing anymore. He felt confused often and his coordination was way off, which interfered with him playing his guitar. He said the meds changed his personality and he did not feel like himself. He never felt happy or sad anymore. He felt like a zombie. He gave it time to see if it would get better and to get in his system, like his doctor said. BUT IT NEVER GOT BETTER!
Later, that same year I got a call from my mom. she said,” Your brother has done it again, but he is not dying on my watch. ” She found the empty pill bottle in the floor, by his bed and called 911. This time he took his entire bottle of Seroquel wanting to die.
” I‘m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired
I know right now you don’t care
But soon enough you’re gonna think of me
And how I used to be“
How ironic that the very thing that was meant to make my brother get well ending up his means to try to take his life. My mom took him to a Psychiatrist for answers and to help him. Instead, he ended up worse than he started. He never had suicidal thoughts before he took those anti-psychotic medications! Years later, I learned suicidal thoughts are a possible side effect to the meds he was on. So that was the end of that. He was done with taking pills and done with seeing doctors. They had no clue what they were doing and his bad experience trying to seek mental health help kept him from ever wanting to try and seek professional help ever again.
He started drinking and using drugs heavily, after that. I tried so hard over the years to be there for him and to help him any way that I could. I always loved him unconditionally and it hurt my heart to see him in pain and watch him struggle. I had no idea what to do to help him? Neither did my mom. I believe playing guitar prolonged his life. He picked up a guitar at 18 and taught himself how to play. He was a natural and learned to play our favorite songs and even complete albums, just by listening to the music. His GOOD outweighed the BAD. Despite his struggles, he was full of life and love. It’s like he had a happy personality with a sad soul. He tried. He really did. Sadly, on May 27, 2017 he lost his battle, at the age of 32. He made sure no one could save him this time.
The fall following his death, his widow and I decided to sign up for The Out of the Darkness walk. Together with family and friends, we were team DO IT FOR DREW. During this time I discovered the American Foundation For Suicide Prevention (AFSP) and their website full of information. The first time I read a list of signs of suicide, my stomach dropped. MY BROTHER HAD ALL THE SIGNS. Then I read that talking about suicide won’t actually make a person do it and it could relieve their suicidal thoughts. I always wanted to talk to him about it, but I never knew how. When I learned his suicide can now become hereditary in our children, I knew I had to do something. I wished so bad I had seen their website BEFORE he died. He was doing so well in life and we thought he was passed wanting to kill himself. Since then, I have continued to learn everything there is about suicide prevention. I refuse for our children to meet the same fate. I could not save my brother, but I will strive to be the change he so desperately needed for our kids and others who struggle still today. I urge everyone to learn the signs of suicide and to start having conversations that matter. It may save a life.
BE THE CHANGE THE WORLD NEEDS TODAY!
Do it for Drew 13 